I have told you that men live much longer than women, haven't I?
No?
Or not for a week or so, anyway?
Good. Let me tell you again then.
On average, men live a lot longer than women.
This is if you calculate how long people spend awake.
Given that most women spend a far larger proportion of their lives asleep than most men, the apparent difference in longevity between men and women is in fact reversed when you focus on the number of hours each day which people spend awake.
This astounding fact is based into protracted and intimate research [by me] into the lives of five women, and less protracted and more or less intimate research into the lives of a rather larger number of women, all of whom shall be nameless.
My daughter is a typical member of the species - she sleeps for between eight and 14 hours a day, but would sleep for much longer if the opportunity presented itself - but when she is awake she is a dynamo, rushing about the house and brushing everything in her path aside.
She has been like this since she could walk, and it doesn't seem likely that she will change.
Yesterday, as I stood at the top of the stairs, gazing at the view across the valley and having a long series of profound thoughts, none of which I can now recall, Emma rushed past me and for a moment I teetered on the brink. My thoughts turned to the extent of the injuries I would suffer if I tumbled down the stairs...whether it was such a brilliant move to abort my contributions to Southern Cross...whether I would survive at all...and whether, in the light of that eventuality, I had sufficiently impressed on my family the fact that I wished to be buried, not burned...
But I kept my balance.
I was still standing at the top of the stairs when Emma rushed past a second time, saying:
Some people are like slinkies:
Not really good for anything.
But they can still bring a smile to your face
If you push them down the stairs.
This is a true story. I have many more, you will be appalled to learn.
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